It's almost a week since my bff papa passed away. Another guilt in the list. I couldnt make it to the funeral and i know she would want me there. Im sorry love. I am pathetic and i dont deserve you as my dearest. Talking and explanation are cheap no matter what the reason is. The matter of fact is that i had a choice but i cant choose as i had responsibility here as well. However i hope you know that it hurts me more than i could possibly hurt you that i cant be with you during this trying time. Time like this makes me wanna pray but i dont know how. If i can make a wish come true it would be for you to go through this tough period strongly and hold on. We leo do not crumble in difficult period. 2014 hasnt been kind to all dragon babies. Im really sorry for your loss. You will be okay. We will be okay! Remember the sunshine? It will come alright. Just a little late. 

Sigh! I met the mother of all jerk today. A kind business visitation got wrong when the so called bully in suit and tie somehow irritate me. I dont know what was he thinking to challenge me intellectually. What kind of pleasure he felt by empowering me and belittled my knowledge of banking. He made a great deal of mistake. 

Ive learned a great lesson and ive learned my flaws too. I was so challenged i felt like he was harassing me and i lost it by questioning him back the motive of all the shits he is talking. I was so close to taking all the stuff back and pass to another lawyer with morale. I wasn't exaggerating when i said he harassed me. He wad leaning on his lazy chair and somehow rubbed his penis twice. I know certain uncles who cant resist unbearable tickles will need to scratch in public but not in front of a banker while you lean so backward on your lazy chair. 

After telling me bullshit, i still need to maintain my professional etiquette and thank him for his lesson. 

That is like a feeling of thanking the rapist who rape you legally. That slap of shame! I dont ever wish to see his face again. Pls go die. Such a shame for a convert. Oh... did i tell you that there was a moment in the middle of the conversation he stare at me for like 15 seconds? I wonder if he lost for words or he was thinking something dirty... oh well. Whatever!

Recently when i get confused over some matter i will just act bodoh. I guess im getting better at this too. It's like dejavu. This is not normal to me. Anything about me and to me is not normal until i noe its existence through experience and knowledge. The dejavu feeling was so freaking scary and awesome until i know that there is a name to it and it spells funny. I aint the only one experiencing it. When i learn that the fact that i had reverse panic attack effect it was pretty cool how incredibly opposing i am to others. Lol. I used to have occasional palpitation outta the blue... ermm not really out of the blue, possibly when there is sudden body reflects eg when i try to catch a dropping pencil etc. Then the heart will start to beat very fast and then all the panic attack symptom will come. Doctors cant quite get what i was trying to explain so they assume my heart somehow couldnt pump enough oxygen into action in normal rate so it gotta pump harder to cater to sudden muscle flexing. I was never fat and lazy. Somehow it happens. When it did happen, i would be scare cuz i never know when it will stop and will it even stop. It has been a long time since the last one strike. I kinda womanized with the way i move for the sake of my weak heart. Lol. This is the reason why i name it weak heart. I bet many thought that it means sad and forsaken heart. So shallow! Huh!

 Anyway... dont go breaking my heart~~~

Hail rise the guardian of heart

Jcdagreat almighty!