falling in love

I wanna fall in love this December. I had a terrible year last year and this year doesnt see any improvement yet. As fast as blink of an eye, the year of 2014 is ending and i fail to fulfil my desires. Xmas has always been my favourite festival. I dont know why i have a strong spirit towards this special day.

I guess the presents (i love giving present), the bells and musicals, the loving santa who loves good child, the snow and the yearly wishes come true kinda spirit warm my weak lil heart.

This year i die die wanna go visit kl malls for the sake of satisfying that desire and shopping!!!
I resisted not to buy anything in seremban and aim for more variety this time. Its year end sales anyway. Why not right?

25th date is on! I hope it will be a good ride with my dearest lek lek.
Oh yea... back to the topic. I wanna fall in love. I fall in love with self transforming. I have learnt that the only constant in reality is changes. I used to say that i hated changes. I come to realize that i dont dislike changes. I just got comfortable to constance. And i fear constance. The familiarity ive been living with is so very scary. There are a lot of things i found abnormal in my life along the years of experiencing life itself out there. And i seek changes. I wish to change to live. I wanna live. It isnt easy. For those who has been living in abnormality with people you call family is even difficult for one to come out and change. Haha... how bad? You gotta walk in my heels. Anyway, being able to walk out from the shadow takes a lot of effort and willingness. I did and i am a better person today. Which is why when i bump to negative people out there who is crazier than i am, i will avoid them very obviously so that they dont ever appear in front of me.

I become more appreciative, i listen and read more cuz i dont easily take external advise. I choose my materials very selectively and then, self taught.
When i have to deal with some personal issue or emotion, i got my own remedy to heal them. Lately i found self loving kinda helps. The idea of transforming itself kinda distract me from negativities. I feel great getting myself fixed!

And i feel fresh. Killer colours and dye on top of the super styled hairdo. Once u go short, u never go back. The short hair gal league has been telling me that very often. Never say never... perhaps until i fall in love again.

Anyway, if ure reading me, pls listen to the song Lost Star from the movie Begin Again. 2 versions each from Keira knightly and Adam Levine.
Equally lovely.

***
Please, don't see
Just a boy caught up in dreams
And fantasies

Please, see me
Reaching out for someone
I can't see

Take my hand
Let's see where we wake up tomorrow
Best laid plans
Sometimes are just a one night stand

Who are we?
Just a speck of dust
Within the galaxy?

Woe, is me
If we're not careful
Turns into reality

But don't you dare
Let our best memories bring you sorrow
Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer
Turn the page
Maybe we'll find a brand new ending
Where we're dancing in our tears

And God, tell us the reason
Youth is wasted on the young
It's hunting season
And the lambs are on the run

We're searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars
Trying to light up the dark

I thought I saw you out there crying
I thought I heard you call my name
I thought I heard you out there crying
But just the same

***