EL day 1

Ive taken EL from Thursday till next Tuesday. 

It was in the morning and boss mood wasn't at his best. Morning is always his angriest period. I seek his permission to take a long EL. His expression was a bit out of my expectation. He asked what about my dad? Why do I need so many days? 

I was brutally honest, i say he cannot be count on. 

I think he fumbled a bit on my answer and ask me to explain. I couldn't and he just kinda talk a little bit more but i couldn't listen further. I want my leaves and there is no room for negotiation. He knows it.

I offer that i can come back if needed during that period. He say that is not necessary but on only 1 condition, on call on the phone. I had too many stuff to follow but recently sales slow down. What he didn't know is that i have everything under control and i have plan timing very nicely. Furthermore i have 2 good relieves. I have assigned my cases out like a Santa. Yes, i'm becoming less target oriented. Well, this month performance will suffer anyway. Which i have done a lot to prevent being scolded.

My boss would understand. Anyhow, he has a few newbies to train. I guess he will be entertained. 

My mom's mood gets a little better. I teased her the way she pack her necessary into luggage like she was going on vacation. 

Then i told her that she needed to practice and i was wondering how she gotta go vacation by bus with all these packages. 

Ha ha ha.....

I know its not funny. Sigh. What can i do?

I have been wondering whether i gave any wrong advise? The same happened when i decided on my dog's life, making decision on his behalf. Seriously, who am i to decide on anyone's life? Im still blaming and hating myself to my core of how i betray my love. How i make that ultimate decision blinded by other's needs... my gosh. He was suffering.... that doesnt matter anymore right? :'(

 I can only wish he deserve all wellness and love in after life. If i can torture myself to allow his well being i would. 

Now, im again thrown into a similar situation. This is my mother. Why do you always want to punish me this way? I always have the best solid reason why i advise my suggestion to certain people. 

But... who am i to decide on people's life. Arghhh

Now i can't even cry cuz i have no room for myself. 

Maybe when she is in the operation theatre then i would bawl out. Fuck!

Fml