After having 4 days of EL i dont really feel like going back to work. Not that i dont wish to work and prefer to stay at home. I cannot slow down on anything. When im at work, im basically on fire. Im on the go. I started to miss the energetic me, the one who people tease who produce the most number of cases. The speedo. Well, sales goes down, slow moving of cases and some attitude issue got in the way. I become lazy. Its quite impossible to link me to laziness at work but i guess it shows lately. This month is a hell month. These 2 days were quite rushy. I missed out two blessed afternoon caffeine intake. Rush home to check out on my mom, and cater to her lunch. Cant stay late at work cuz needa pick up food from aunt and send back to mom. Hope my boss will understand. He is more a fatherly figure to me than my dad sometimes. A man i wish to impress and be liked.
My aunt, her daughter is fighting with cancer. Today she had a CTscan to check on her illness and they spotted two more spots of bitches lurking around in liver and bladder. My heart sank cuz i feel for her parents. I feel so terrible. She already had two season of chemotherapy and is on going on her third. Why is life so unfair? She is only 19 years old!
I applause my aunt. She took it coolly not because she aint scare but she has no choice but to see beyond fear and be in control. Something my mom might not be able to do. But my mother indeed take her best courage to face her health issue for me. If i were in her position which already happened 5 years ago, i do what i did best lor. I crumbled and fallen to pieces, then when i get the fact that i wont die immediately, i choose to ignore and totally forgotten about it. Lol. Now im scared. Im pondering and am very reluctant to meet specialist. But my health care fee is surely protected by public bank. Only the procedure wise is a bit tedious.
These week i experienced a working woman cum housewife's routine. I hated it so so much. I never like doing house chores. You dont necessary like what you do best right. Oh well i score another best dislike into my list. It's so fucking routine based and fucking tiring. And the best part is the boys at home is completely useless. If they can participate just a little in just doing their part of necessity, i would have spared a great deal of shits. A house cannot have an available woman or the boy will make the best use of her. Worst of all, my mom will keep pester on how certain thing needs to be done in certain ways. Of course she get herself an earful shares of annoyance from me too. Seriously, my point is a woman can be a superwoman, be completely proficient in both world only if she dedicates her whole life to her man n children. Well, if they are worthy to die for.
For me it will be clear with either or kinda choice.
If i am to work, i rather pay a cleaner to satisfy my cleanliness needs.
Im too ego to completely devote my best to men i dont feel worthy of. Nuff say. Practically, if i can pay them to do their job, i would.
Thanks to my mom of spoiling them, now they face the consequences. Basically i was the one have to deal with it. Arghhhhh. Equality and fairness among genders, fuck yea, talk to my ass! People never learn. Or they just ignore. Men choose to ignore, women try to care less, men continue to ignore, women feel agitated and finally give in to cleaning, babysit these men and die for them.
Growing up in this kinda family make me more cautious in meeting and even choosing male fwens.
T.T
Mom is doing okay anyway.
Congrats!!!
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