When I look into the photo of me & my baby, (if I ever manage to lay my eyes on one as I have been blurring my vision especially when I need to scroll back previous photos) I see another girl with him. Very unfamiliar sight. 
I'm not trying to be dramatic. She was a sad girl but she wasn't alone. When she is sad, she finds him and he gives all he could for her. Baby he cant talk but his eyes convinced her not to give up hope.
Now I look into a mirror I saw a sad reflection & I was alone. It's so difficult to see beyond that.
I have to face every difficulty myself. I lost my comfort & pillar of strength.
Maybe someone like me don't deserve a good soul like him. After all, he has given me a good 12 years of
companionship. During a time I don't have my very best to give him more than I could. 
I made many many wrong decision inclusive time when he suffers in old age. Until today I wonder whether
letting him go was a wise choice?
I just feel so surreal to live my life without him. It's like for the past 5 months I was living lifelessly. I return home for no reason.

Every being of my fiber miss him badly. My yearning to hug him grow every insomnia night.
The warm & fuzzy hugs, the hairs on my lips when I kiss him on his head and nose. The manja things I did on him, the tricks that we played... the good old times.

I love you Choy Choy. I hope every tear that I shed pay you good wishes in afterlife. There is nothing else I could offer. Please stay in my heart forever.