Overtime Date

Finally I paid visit to the new lot of the town

Overtime. Nice design. 

But the main thing was to meet my dear. I desperately need her advice. I knew she is the one to look for. 

The right advice and the right guidance.

I told her my situation. I don't have to tell her much. She knows me. Too well :)

I laid out my problems, my concerns, and my favors.

She analyzed them and she gave me solutions~ packed in 3 directions. 

I was so messed up earlier, I was literally thrown into an unkempt room, filled with everything everywhere, & I don't know where to start filtering.... which at last, I gave up even before finding a way out. 

Now at least she made it clear for me with 3 main boxes with the labels on priority pasted on top of it. 

Glad you're here dear... You always managed to cool me down before I burst. Your maturity is beyond expectation... I know I can count on you :) <3

There's one point we discussed that Im actually surprised by what I said. 

I gave in in alot of things in the past for every right reason I thought it was.

Now that the age catches up, and that I'm financially independent, that I'm capable to bear the consequences

I no longer wanna have other people interfering my decision. Not even a say unless I ask for it. 

I don't wanna have a chance to blame anyone for anything for any decision not entirely made by myself. I wanna be completely aware of my choices and that if I were to make a mistake, I only got myself to face. 

I have made a lot of changes to fit in alot of situation I wasn't given a choice to live in. 

So, I became very picky in certain matters. I dun befriend with any kind of friend. I do selection. I tend to avoid certain type of characters. 

Not just that. Talking about that made me realized why I keep losing crush after crush. I always wanted the other half of me to get me, understand me without needing me to tell A to Z. I'm literally wanting someone who could read mind. I need him to complements me. If you're lacking what I'm lacking, why do I even look up to you in the 1st place? 

The fact that I'm a complicated person to be understood, there's no way I could tell anyone the 100% of me neither do anyone could understand me completely even if I managed to tell the 100% off. 

That's why I keep finding faults with my crushes. Cuz I choose to find perfection instead of embracing others people flaws. Keeping my head held high with all the flaws I posses myself has already taken all my strength. I don't know how and I wish not to turn a blind eyes when I still can choose. 

 Sigh! I'm enclosing myself back to the stupid shell. This ego shyte is eating me alive. 

For all the right reason. At least it's still my choice and I'm not sorry to be myself.

***

Pending for HR's official call. I'm waiting for the announcement... Make it brutal and we shall see how it goes from there. 

***

 The vulnerable side of me gotta go. Cuz by the end of the day, I'm the only one who could save me. 

You're such a disappointment.

& I'm such a bitch!