Internal battle External battle Physical battle.....

Im so exhausted!!! Baffled!!

& I'm so sick.... I will guai guai sleep b4 11pm tonight... pls let me recover...

Finally...

My own passport... wasn't a smooth ride but anyhow, I'm done with it. Now I can legally cross borders....

LOL

Was looking fine until the stupid arranger want me to keep my hair up so that it wouldn't cover my face > <

38 lo.... So I did... well, all my pictures which are 'legally' acknowledged by the gov n my company, the official pictures so-called are all down right ugly. So, adding this in, I have a total of 3 pictures I never wanna disclose. My Ic, My PBB ID, and now my passport too.  

Huh!

Overspent la this month.... I just shopped for some beauty products...lol...so ironic... Trust me purchasing one of the items below will take me forever to considerate... Guardian ada sales... And I thought about it for sometimes....to spend or not to spend. It has been long since I last made a decision this fast. 

Time ticking honey.... I guess it's no longer my wallet who has got the say. Now my skin and my face and every inch of my body are screaming for some attention. 

Okay lo...lavishly spend RM100 for those stuff. In comparison to many girls out there.... mine are considered nothing... but....sakit hati neh.... this month eat apa.... needa spend in SG summore....

GG liao XD

1st destination. Singapore! The next half of the year will either be Bali or Thailand :)

It's time to spend....

Lonely Friday

I don't know why everyone need to party on the Friday...

The over empowering TGIF is the norm for many youngster like me... :) Well.... but not really applicable to me at all. Maybe it's the fact that I don't get a date often on Friday or Everyday but even if I do, I'll be reluctant to go out. Only those very close or exceptional case like important gathering, then I will go. 

After a whole long week of being a slave for money, what I really need is total silence and a peace of mind. I wanna really enjoy a night being alone, not talking to anyone, facing my lappy, blogging or stuff like that. I need more time of my own. Per day, the time I own for myself is roughly after 10.30pm onwards which explains why most of the time I sleep late. Cuz I simply needed more hours before they all go wasted as sleeping hours, which I regretted in the morning cuz it was that time I realize my body cannot take much sleep debt anymore. 

So, friday will be the night I comfortably lock myself in room. Then only I will have the drive to go out in the weekends. :) My Sg trip is getting nearer... I'm so excited. I'm scoring two desire in one trip this coming friday. So finger crossed that that Friday the 13-th is gonna be a day of mercy. Be good to me. 

Coursemates...huhu.... I miss u guys so much.... still lacking 7 girls n 1 boy ....

Working in bank sucks. Well.... most of the time. The sign to resign is always in my head. The day is adventurous cuz you keep learning everything new, meeting new characters...

I don't think I love coping with pressure.... I'm so intensed I feel dizzy all the time. Face computer too long I guess...Or was it the food poisoning aftermath... I still diarrhea every morning since the eventful last Sunday. Pathetic huh?! 

But a senior message me tonight. He told me someone praised my work credibility. He didn't disclose whom but from the way he indicate, could be my boss la. Of cuz la... super rajin leh...

No, it isn't because I love my job. It was my impatient that makes me wanna do things fast. It was my ego that draws me to learn things faster. It was my nerve that got me alert on every single order given so that I don't miss out anything. 

Due this month end, I shall be appraised & confirmed, which also means I will receive cash incentive~ bonus like which also means I will be bound by the new rules where resignation will required one month notice.... diu lo.... Wat... the next thing you noe I might got stuck in the bank for the coming ten years... WTF. 

Hell to the NO!

Hey I bitch talking to myself...literary... it sounds nauty.... HAHAHAHA..... LOL.

 My Deandre is out from the competition. Well. Idol sucks without him K.... I hope he score a record deal. With just one great song, he will definitely be on top. Who needs Idol when you're that special. 

Lame huh.... Let me...

He has so many great moments in Idol...sigh. Too bad JLo couldn't save him :'( 

Anyway, going to make my passport 2morrow :)

Wee.... But I ain't looking real fine lately.... 

Hmm.... Sleep ba jiu...

 

U Know U're a Jerk To Me When....

1. Ur English level is super bad. Those who acknowledge it, u're fine. You know u're improving. Those who has no heart to improve on it then you know how awful you are. Being with an ego shit banana is already bad. The fact that I mold myself to better suit the community, still there are worst English crapper out there. 

Sometimes I truly fed up with people who don't get me at all. Then I started to query whether it was their understanding problem, their lack of language proficiency problem or it was my problem after all. I'm so done with these self-conscious thing. I don't like the blame to come back to me. It bothers me too much and it's only right that I don't communicate with you at all. Cuz u're indirectly hurting my self esteem.

2. U're making these shitty lame cold jokes to make me laugh. It wasn't funny. I can't force a chuckle. It was pathetic. Some try to do pranks. Like joking all around, trying to fool me over. If u're a lil charming angel, you might get away with it. Don't ever try when I'm in bad mood. The only time when a girl like being tease by a guy is when the girl crush on that guy. The rest of the time except for that particular reason, you're just being annoying. Trust me....don't try so hard to be funny. 

3. I came across this super fans of Malaysian great Idols. There was one day when I post a stupid link, and I scream out loud the word FUCK in bold on my FB wall. So happen this fellow came across and then pop up to my chat box. Below was the conversation of him & I

Jerk: Would u mind if i ask u about copulation? have you?

Me: errrr.....its out of my comfort zone, sorry not interested in such topic

Jerk: ok, duly noted. sorry for asking as I'm surprised that young girls love to use the fxxxing & WTF 

in many of their expressions which made we wonder whether they're involved in this area.

 Perhaps my imagination have gone haywire.

Me: na.... u're just old fashioned (WTF)

Jerk: Thanks for notifying me as I may have misunderstood

Me: we use such words doesnt mean we got involve in it in any sense

Jerk: girls are different in this 21st century

Me: but u asking such things makes me doubt ur intention (WTF)

Jerk: yeah, i've too given u the wrong impression by asking you that. 

sorry for my misdemeanour

will not ask u such question again

WTF like seriously....U thk I bothered if you ever ask again? I known U're a grown man. U be smart la hello.... Such question you can go ask some whores la... I just snapped and I close the conversation controlling my madness. 

I know my face don't match my attitude. In fact, my attitude don't match my character. 

I seriously wanna delete him directly. I sensed an alarming danger even if that was purely an innocent mistake on the choice of question. 

U're dealing with a Bitch like me, you better be smart. 

Fuck yea!!!!! 

4. The last jerk on my latest list are those I crushed on. You bloody think you can ride on me making me weak n vulnerable... Testing me in silence, leaving me cold for sometimes and then come back luring me.... possibly imagining how hyper happy I am beaming with the glory smile that you're looking for me finally....

FuCK!!! The fuck!!! 

If you feel something while reading this, then you know you're testing me this way and you too crushed on me. If you don't, pls go celebrate cuz u are confirmed in your safe zone.

Pls try not to understand me by judging. Understand me by knowing me...

Just please don't be stupid

Don't be a jerk to me. It's easy.... like reading the ABC

Im So JERK Drunk tonight WTF!!! 

SICK with my day, SICK in the night as well.... but the hell, I'm letting lose all tension on my personal blog.... Now I can sleep freely with all those bared off my chest.

Happie Bday Kheng :)

All has been said & done......

Sayang you deary... 

More friends are falling into the PBB trap....Muahahaha....

Welcome to hell XD

Im Just Kidding... Seriously...

...

I guess I'm losing you.... But in actual fact, You never once mine to begin with 

I love the broken ones

U're too innocent Joanne~ 

 This graphical design describes who Jcdagreat really is...

One perfect picture that truly mirrors the opposite of myself....

Nite y'll. 

***

You lost me once, you lost me forever. 

Bintang RTM Audition

 Sunday, the last RTM audition round for the year. 

 The day started off just nice. Was suffocating with sore throat yesterday, so I get myself a warm honey drink & a hotdog as my breakfast. I somehow sensed my tummy discomfort but I kinda ignored it cuz this tummy thing is a norm for me. I had my medicine, did my self a light make up and I looked just fine.

Half way down the road, my dad wanna had his breakfast at the Plus perhentian. I only took a cup of milo. That was when all the hell break lose. I felt very uncomfortable. I wanna puke but I just try to ignore it, trying well to keep it well. My dad pulak sesat... He never been into that area for a long time, so road changes and he has difficulty getting into the compound. Pusing mia pusing... I found him a perfect road side to stop and I quickly asked him to pull over. The rest I dun think I wanna elaborate. 

What a darn April fool!!!

I thought I got better... So, finally we reached the RTM station. Finally! Upon reaching the guard house, the fellow told us to park near the entrance, and we have to walk up. What!!!! U kidding me?? The second rush of vomit came while I was infront of the guard house. Yor.... Such ugly sight!!!! 

When I truly step into the auditorium, I was partially half dead. I managed myself to the counter, handed over my forms and CD, got my number and rushed to the toilet. Diarrhea gao gao. WTF!!! I knew I had time, 20 over peole b4 me. My mom was like are you okay, issit very bad, perhaps, pull out ba. Let's go see doctor. To be honest, I thought about it. I really almost wanna let it pass. I don't know how this vulnerable body with those vomiting going on can carry an Alicia Key's song. 

I decided to continue. The fuck! I was already inside the building. The moment I stepped out of the toilet, I was asked to lined up to go into the audition room. No turning back! I went in, the room was comfy, the couch was comfy. I just laid my buttock comfortably and rest. 

Many good singer around. Many Malay girls can sing very well. I always know that and now I witnessed it by myself. My turn was just the next girl after me... She sang well. I went up, and introduce myself like the way they wanted me to. I told them I wanna present 2 songs if possible. A reserved Malay song without minus one. Started off shaky cuz i couldn't locate my melody. I believe I recollected myself pretty fast. My voice was in shape, I wasn't feeling nervous which probably cuz all I wanted was to get back to rest. I felt so fragile on stage.

Sang only the first verse until chorus. They stopped me and reminded me of the second song. I sang Keabadian Cinta by Anuar Zain. A hit song by my fav local male artist. I think I did pretty well. They let me sing till I finish the chorus. Infact, I saw positives signals. Even audiences/contestants gave a few claps. I gave them 3 surprises. 1st, perhaps, they don't expect me to tell them I wanted to sing 2 songs. 2nd, they don't expect I knew Keabadian Cinta. 3rd, They might not believe I can sing Malay song that well. What you might not know is I started off singing publicly with Siti's Purnama Merindu .. Malay song is ultimately still my thing alright.... XD

I quickly got down from the stage, grab my belonging and went outside. My parents were beaming with smile :) I knew I did good enough. Unlike Astro, RTM prepared a huge TV at the auditorium hall to facilitate others to witness the progress inside the room. Kim Leng was there even b4 I got in. He was too, ready for it. Pity him that his car broke down in the morning. Luckily, he settled it. No fuss. :)

Initially, he and I shud be each other companion and my parent will go to my aunt house at Damansara. But because of this twist of faith and my bad health condition, my parents stay with me instead. We then went to my aunt house. I didn't manage to see Kim Leng perform. Sigh!!!! Sad....

This fellow named Rusty... so cute.... so lovely.... currently stay with my aunt.

Very adorable... untill he got slightly nasty and begin to 'rape' my leg~ if you noe what I mean LOL!!!!

Before going back to Seremban, we all had lunch at Midvell. Leng & I discussed about the Singapore trip also. Hope it will be a smooth one. Gotta make passport 1st. :P

Million Star Audition!!! Here I come!!! Fail mai you, I jiu can go Bali lor!!!! Or Thailand :)))

<3 

For those who has been following closely about the news of my insane passion driven urge to go thru all auditions available this year, I thank y'll so much for your support and wishes.