Its november again.
4th years of living without you is due soonest.
Maybe yesterday we talked about dogs at my bff's parents bday bash. My bff she has 4 pooddles at her house.

So my baby came to my dream. Again the dream was set up at the old rented house.
Maybe he was happier there. I dont know.
I saw him yelping discomfort cuz he poo poo in the house and he definitely need to get out of the compound.

Prior to that he gotta lick n kiss me in the face and i was like baby... you just shitted and now u lick me... omg.

I let him anyway. Like always. I almost forget how it feels like. That was his way of showing affection for the precious 10 years we had.

As i walked him out, he started chasing something. Something moving so fast but i couldnt see it. It was a snake. That was the most ridiculous crazy fastest moving baby snake. Baby was chasing it while it seems like it was chasing me.
That chaos.... adoi.

I was so scare he got hurt.
Then i jolted awake.
Under semi consciousness, i started wondering if baby was okay. Has my mom walked my baby this morning. If my mom going to nag me cuz she gotta walk him out this morning instead of me?

Then i remember baby is no longer here.
He is gone.
Calm down.
He is gone.
It was just a dream.
Slowly i dooze off again.
But i knew i wouldnt have a good day when i see the light.

Maybe he misses me.
Maybe i miss him too.

Yes. I miss him much.
That longingness is undescribable.
Irreplacable.

4 years of searching for something and nothing comes right.

Love is not something you can replace.
Love is a conscious affair.
A voluntary contract you walk into.
A silent promise to uphold the commitment.
A foundation you vow to nurture and protect.

This permanent guilt and lost will not find its closure.

Until i found this familiar feeling i long lost.
I found you.
My new chapter begins.
Lets have a good one :)

I knew baby will be happy for me.
You will always be my 1st love until i breathe my last breath.

Vol 4.