Dear Love.

You called me at an early hour today. Sounding like nothing has happened.
Like yesterday never happened.
The fact that i saw you and you saw me at town and you never called me right after and the hours later.

Was it because of the sensitive 520 date that you wish to avoid me thinking much that you are ready or something.  Haha... if you feel that im thinking too much and sound crazy it is all because how you overthink stuff and complicate things.

To be honest you made me very emotional and sad.
You make me wish to move on and not stay put for you. You made me feel so unwanted. I kept giving you reasons that this is a challenging period for you and that i should be more understanding. But you are not assuring me that things are gonna be okay.
Despite every odd thing i try to hold on and try to persevere. But it seems like im fighting this war alone.

From the get go it was me who keep giving n trying.
And time to time you told me you were trying as well but you just couldn't. It was not enough. It was close to 1.5 years already.

I dont know what makes you think i was not enough. You claimed that there are things between us that cant convinced you. Compatibility.
Im sorry that you cant work on that but i really have tried my best.

Things you found unsuitable other people found it attractive. I try push people away for extra chances for us. I wish not to put myself in a position to find a better person. Im afraid that i will not choose you if i have to make decision. Or do you prefer i choose otherwise? So that you could be spared from making any decision yourself.
Do you understand the unnerving feeling im going through?

There was a saying that says one will never put oneself in a position to lose someone if he or she is important to you.

I knew you were important to me when the tragic incident happened to you.
Because we both collapsed that week.
I wasnt the only one who cried with you.
And she has to make it a point to crush me and continue to tear all the little hope im holding for us.
And you did nothing to assure me.
Maybe you did but it wasnt encouraging.
That week itself. I wasnt needed. I was not needed.

Maybe you rather lose me than to face this drama at all. Tell me. What you wish me to do?
Continue to expect nothing and let nature take its course? Until the day you are ready?
Until you yet to see anyone better?
Or that day you dont see coming?

I had too many people asking me to move on from the get go. Everytime i shudder to the idea because i just couldnt face it.
I really wish to continue to hold on. But up to when? After the passing of the 100 days? How assured you are that you are capable to make decision by then?

I know there are things that cant be force. I wasnt desperate to want to be in love. But i kenot be held waiting for nothing and kept be denied. It really hurts me. It devalues me. I feel so worthless.
I really dont know how to face you love.

Im like a part time hang around gf.
More than best friend. But not a suitable one.
As at when needed then ill be around for you.
Always here waiting. Not seeking. Not forcing.
Cannot expect and cannot be jealous.

And hearing you today breaks me a little.
Cuz it was like it is okay for you to just talk to me when you feel like it and dump me aside when you dont wish to talk. I told myself this is temporary but i cant convinced myself. Days when it matters we dont talk or celebrate and when odd things happened we dont clarify.

I bet you have no idea i was mad at all.

I couldnt bring myself to do it.
Maybe cuz it really dont matter now.
One day when the jealousy subsides.
I will know what to do.

And making this hearbreak decision myself could be the last good thing i can ever do for you.

I wish you happiness dear.
I wish you love.
It wont be from me but they would be from whom you love.

And it will be worth it.
Day when you know how to make decision because you have no doubt on her.
Compatible at its greatest form.
I dont doubt you will find her.
I only wish she love you the same as once i could.

We are gonna be best of friends.
This i promise you.
And i will show you how i could be diplomatic on work and relationship and this time you will finally see how it is workable.