I hope one day if u open my page here and realized how much ive have tried.
But in tired.

I kinda foresee the fragment of our future and how unfortunate it will be.
I hope it will not happen that way.
Because if it does. It will break my heart to not choose you cuz ive done giving you chances and excuses.

I might regret it if i choose to do so.
I might regret it all time.
It is very difficult for me to detach but if im capable to saying no to you. It means i have chosen someone else who respect my worth more.
Who doesnt make me question us.
Who doesnt deny me.
Who doesnt choose otherwise.

I cant possibly hurt someone who put me as priority right?

But hey. I guess im overthink anyway.
You are much wiser.

Distractions.
Some silly lady luck.
Its funny how my mouth or mind have some magic spell.
Whenever i want something. It will happen.
And i was kept distracted lately.
I hope they are all good people.
I dont yearn for anything seriously.

I just wanna know more people.
See more things.
Be more open minded.
Be positive.
Be stress free.

Family issues they are ever revolving.
Mine, they are under control. For now.
But they are land mines. You never know when or what will they be triggered.

But theirs, i seriously cant cope and they have to come to me.
Why me? Easier to be bullied?
It is a curse i believe. Some curse it last for few generations. Some skips generation.
Worry not. All will end in this with my generation.

Broken genes shall not be passed down.
The world doesnt need another Joanne or any Chai's passing down.

Im scared.
I kinda know what i should do but im not strong.
Im not built with armour and im no hero.
Im kind. Stupid kinda kind. I can be selfless so bad it will scares you. But i cant. At least for this time i cant. Im sorry i cant.

It is not my responsibility to bear and it shall not be.
Dont put the pressure on me.
I had enough of them from my own source of genes.
I dont need it from others.

I got a life to live.
Dont force me back to the place i tried so hard moving on.

I would reach out for u if i can.
But i have limit.
If you have mind. You will understand.
But i never really care how other perceive me.
The one who cares will know.
Those who cant doesnt matter i guess.

Im sorry.