Know why i say so? Cuz the closest knows best. They know you too well on what will and not hurt you. And when they do hurt you, it is either intentional or they are being ignorant. Nuff said.
But how close is close?
You can be in a relationship or married with kids and yet not knowing your partner as a whole.
*
I went back to office yesterday to meet a customer and worked for a few more hours.
Few others were there inclusive my current favourite. Then a lunch date initiated. I was full and it was quite odd for a random 3some thus i declined the offer and continue my job. While at it, there was another colleague of mine in the office who is a woman with sixth sense and of course that comes with kepochi ness. As a person she is kind and motherly.
So some talks and questions. And the same old topic crops up. I should have accepted the lunch offer really. Then i wouldnt have been more emotional than i already was.
The night before, my ex roomate told me a known friend of us with her bf of 7 years have split. Gosh.
Another long term couple splits.
Why? Since i dont know them well, I dont have an idea. The suggested reasons were perhaps cuz they understand each other too well and thats why realized that they dont meant for each other or no more sparks between the 2 of them cuz too close for too long?
For me, i think those are wasted youth. Bullshit.
Do u really need 7 years to tell if your partner is the suitable one or the one you will love for always and forever? And if he or she is the one, why would there be less of a sparks now than before. As a relationship develops, it should only be more intense and rich in details. My best guess is either one falls for another person. Very soon one of them will perhaps show off another partner in public. I dont know. Im sad for them. Cuz they appear to be lovely together.
Sorry to know that.
Somehow couples even if they love less tend to stay together until another person comes by.
Cuz loneliness kills. Those who have been in a relationship will know the hollowness.
I kinda got used to being alone. So i never really look for one. And for that, the last thing i wish for is one that come to stir my interest and leave me hanging on a wire.
Loyalty.
Something u shud never question.
Once u do, im done.
The main killer to the past.
Then i begin to review on my quest to search for a partner. And i realized that i have never really look for any specific one. I know what i like in a man but i wont invite extra opportunity to meet that person.
I might have trouble believing in higher authority they named G.O.D, but i truly believe in faith to a certain extend. I was being called stupid to fend off potential candidates by telling them im in a relationship or that i just very am busy to go out. I know myself too well, incapable to say no and i can be persuaded. So i wont take that chance to be put under such circumstances, to make decision... to hurt another person or to be questioned.
But seeing one couple break up after another lowers my confidence even more.
The lady said that i have to be brave to enter a relationship. If you dont, then you will never know if it will works out or not. Sure a break up will hurts badly. But because of that u would be stronger.
I told her that i understand too much to be hurt now and being able to tell how bad it could hurt and choose to enter the uncertain relationship anyway... wouldnt it be stupid? I guess you'll never know.
My question is can you tell if you love that person without walking into a relationship? Or u can only tell after being in a relationship?
The lady said most importantly you need to protect yourself. Be financially independent and he has to like you in the 1st place. He has to be a good person.
Cuz if he likes you, the least is that he wouldnt hurt you.
True that.
If he ever was. He wouldnt be able to have hurt me.
So can i tell that he has never liken me?
Many have ask if he has ever told me that he did not.
Many have seen how drifted apart we were.
Does that matter?
He was never at fault.
Mostly just me. Me mostly.
He is a sweet kid with a lot of potential.
Broken soul but one day he will be whole again.
Plenty of space for improvement as a being.
Young blood. Most importantly, he is still a friend.
One day he will be fine. Not mine to call.
Then being geboh and sharing, she asked if there is anyone in my life now. Lol. I said i dont know.
Is there?
I should really went out for the 3some lunch date.
The contrast between the past and present is mountain's high, river's deep.
I cant tell. I couldn't differentiate.
I mean is that my problem for being unable to tell or is that my luck to continue meeting water tester?
Confuse than ever.
For me relationship should be easy.
Complicity is caused by human in general.
Anything extra is a game. You are playing games.
You are not seeking for love.
You are thrilled by lust.
Relationship thus become a game for 2 and players are mostly crippled. Blinded by their perfect vision on their fantasy against reality.
I dont know what im talking about. Arghhh...
Having zero expertise in this topic yet i talk like a pro. Macam yes la. Dammit.
But there is a saying i hold on strongly.
Relationship of those time lasted longer cuz the fact that they practice a simple rule. When something is broken they will fix it. They dont throw it away. They dont take memory and love for granted.
These days, people practice conveniences.
Choices are more than ever.
Appreciation level has depreciate.
Everyone is waiting for something extra.
To be given extra.
Some perfection that will never comes.
They have forgotten that a wilted plan can be nurtured back to life.
They have forgotten that the plant itself is the outcome of their input. It represent how much of time and love you invest in it.
You cant expect a wild plant adopted by you by random of choice to grow as perfectly as it is in the wild now that it is grounded by you in a pot, infested by your selfishness and negligence, deprived of basic necessities.
When you love something, it grows.
It becomes the reflection of you.
But of course, why would anyone in their best sanity would want a wilted flower in the 1st place right?
That is crazy. Crazy person and crazy job.
But if you are not a gardener, perhaps the best thing you can do is dont in your kindest soul destroy an innocent living of a wild flower that perhaps its life itself might not really be worthwhile but still it has a value.
It has its job in the nature. Little to the world but sufficient for its own living, to stay alive.
It could use some credits though :)
Gracing the dirt on the road, making honey to bees etc...
So. I for instance is not the wild flower.
I am given a perfect set of limbs to walk out of other's life. A sanity level high enough to make the best judgement, in making the best decision to myself. Being Leo, i am not to be condemned.
As for now, my head is a mess and my vision is blurry. Until the storm is over, nothing is gonna change. Until a certainty is obtain. Till then.
So what i did on yesterday night was another epic decision. I went out to have my dinner and movie alone. The Jungle Book.
Good movie. It is good to watch with a partner.
But watching alone ain't so bad.
I could get used to it. Less self conscious.
Ill perhaps continue to buy 2 seat for 1 person aka my butt cuz i dont wish to have an unknown person sit next to me. Haha... gila.
The last time i watch movie alone was the last Ice age movie at Batu Pahat, during my status as mobile officer. It was a dark period of my life. I havent felt that for a long time. Not yesterday tho.
So the lion falls for the lamb.
My perfect Edward.
A time for the soul. I need a me time. Yesterday was a perfect one.
I was reminded of some past memories and was being told something i think ain't so true but still i know that day and that change will inarguably gonna happen. That got me teary. I could still get teary for that. I guess wound heals but scars they remained.
Im just glad you accompanied me during the day, noon and the talk at night, got my mind off some emotional battles.
Thank you.
I might not tell you how much your presence have got me through this period. But im thankful.
I dont know what are we now and im not gonna request for assurance any more.
If it is not given voluntarily i wont ask. It's not mine.
Then perhaps ill be more emotionally stable.
Knowing where i stand perfectly.
The rest shall sync in naturally.
Pls go watch The Jungle Book. I can see your what the hell face already and hear u chuckle along the movie too. Or maybe just big wide smile. Esp when the wolf howls. Aww ah wooo... :)
The man cub is mine. Mine to me.
Let's rewatch. N ill watch u this time.
Complaint me chuckle lagi huh.
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