Jcdagreat: Pbb 48th Annual Dinner 1st of November 2014.

It has been a week since that dinner and It feels like forever. The week after that day wasnt too bright and shiny as i wish. Well, if you know my life path, this is the rule. 1 portion of happiness = double the sorrow.

So, that dinner. Me and my partner in crime arrived early to Hatten Hotel, Melaka for the informal rehearsal. He made me feel so very comfortable on stage. The management cancelled my solo act due to too many staff performance this year. Hmmp... it's okay i guess. I didnt feel confident however I knew things will eventually came around but since i need to choose to sing only one song, without a doubt i choose Beauty and The Beast with my buddy Genesis.

It was scheduled on the 2nd half show performance number 4. Supposedly no.3 but somehow they let another duet go 1st. The rest of the night was blurry. I didnt really wanna socialize with people around. I just wanna get things done and go home. I hardly even wanna make up. And i didnt. I only had my eye liner and lipstick on for the sake of my performance. Oh and some wax on the hair cuz my darling waxed his hair. His gf is a sweetheart and i obtained her permission to be all over him that very night. Lol.

This time around i told my branch people and my boss much earlier so that they know Seremban has a representative. I didnt go out represent myself as i wish, i went out as a representation of my branch as a whole. Boss ada muka leh... Seremban has been dormant before my arrival. My boss was so delighted he urged all branch staffs to the front stage to give full support to me. My buddy also has a group of supporter cuz well, he is a very popular mobile officer in my region. The cheering was so loud we cant even hear the music. We kept it cool and also showed appreciation to our supporters. So we were basically torn between wanting to indulge in the emotion of the song or to freak out and be responsive to our supporters.

It was a lovely beautiful duet song. We gave it a finishing hug ending and it was a blast!

I had a great duo performance. A public duo, short but full designed performance. Working wise i had a great time. My buddy was assigned to my branch for a week. I got to enjoy his companion and it has been too long since the last one. We get to talk so much and the fact that we share so much of similarities, we could talk days. The surprise came on Friday when he got to know that he was grounded in the sister branch. And there will also be many promotion and transfer of staffs happening around me. Could and will affect me indirectly but it would be a new and refreshing start.

Home wise. Well, mom was on and off dizzy and yea difficult. In this month. Similar time of hell just like last year. Im so depressed! So very disappointed and unhappy. I hated when i care too much but eventually these people made me cry.

Its so frustrated!

Sigh. When people fail me more than once i will give up on them. This has been my principle. I dont spend my time for unnecessary people cuz i dont even have time for myself. I told my buddy this that day and he was like awhh... i feel so privileged. Lol.

When i talk to him i feel like i was reassuring myself of certain thinking of mine.

Mainly about friendship cuz recently i feel like i have nobody really. I remember joanne wong once told me that i should be grateful during my bday party that all my friends came as per invitation. I know it by heart and i never have a doubt that they love me. Maybe i expected too much. Maybe i was yearning something else. I dont know. I just feel so bad and sad when i cant even name a person in need when i needed a friend to share my pain. I dont necessary need a person to shoulder me while im crying. I just need a figure to tell me hey, ill be around and my company will let u escape your problem for awhile so you dont lose your head when you face it later.

My dog passing will soon reached a year's period. I want to.... i mean i dont wanna forget my baby. Yoke shan told me when she recall the time she spent with late Ruby she can smile cuz she genuinely remember how happie they were then.

I havent been able to do so. I dont allow even pieces of memory fly by cuz it does more damage than recovering. I wonder how i will go through that day this time around.