I guess liking lotsa animal page in facebook is really a bad idea especially when I'm in my recovering period. 

All these fury mammals are dear to my heart & it wouldn't fail tearing me up. There were specifically two animals that got my attention recently. Christmas by MIAR & Happy by MDDB. I cried when I read about them & I'm very happy to know they've survived. 

Whatever happen in a day brings forward to night's dream. Had a rough one this morning. I dreamed of tsunami washing off to my DSTH. I don't have a balcony but I had one in my dream & my house was facing open sea. & Hell these few days were rainy days. Me & my mom was there. Somehow my brother appear in my dream. In the wildest disastrous dream, I found someone so familiar. My baby!

He was there wagging tail & me as usual petting him. He doesn't look like baby but I knew he was it. 

I don't know the reasoning behind the dream. Perhaps it means nothing at all. By the time I woke up, the story was still clear in my head. Sometimes dreams seem so real that you struggle to tell if those were real & reality was just a dream. Which is why I often hate dreaming. 

At times I couldn't believe that baby has just left me loosely about 2 months. Coming 13th is 2 months. 

These 2 months seem so long. It's like I never had him & those good times were dreams. I guess his passing gave me too much of times for myself or perhaps my way of meditating helps. I'm struggling to get by everyday hoping that my mind could shut down easily and not a single moment of free time to even reminisce anything about him & us. I either leave it blank of fill it up with messy stuff. The same way I used to go through that tormentor 13 days of hell.

I believe Karma. I believe in doing good deeds & it repays you in one way or another. 

I just don't know if they will come in time or in times of need. 

I know that I'm not a lucky girl. There is a lot of things I need to fight to win over. 

Sometimes love, attention & friends. Maybe soon health & money.

Not a day past by I wish not to go to work. Has been like this for awhile. I don't know what kinda disease has struck me. Early Festival fever disorder perhaps.

Won't be celebrating CNY this year. Still family is eager to buy lotsa stuffs. Play along lor. Temper has been bad. Pretty bad & I still not willing to sleep early every night. Somehow my yearning to live long is deteriorating further. LOLZ. Seriously. My friend told me about PRS product for retirement scheme & its benefit to reduce tax payment. The only thing is that the profit in the investment can only be taken out after one reaches 55 years old. I was like hey, by that time I think I should be dead. I wasn't kidding though I was laughing. 

I met a guy while I was performing that very sunday. He was a cousin to the main lady & he was residing in a western country I cant recalled~ Spain? or something. We talked a little, He said he was a guitarist in a band & he asked if I were a full time performer? I told him I am a banker. He said that was very sad. That feels like a big tight slap on my face. Such a shame. If I could make a different this year, I had him to thank for. 

 XOXO