Ahhhh.... My Bali blog is gonna take forever to be finalized.
Maybe I shud just forget bout it....LOL After all, blogging is just sharing. All these memories are well kept alive in my head. Right? Right? Well, We will see how this goes.
I wish to chip in some heartfelt. I wish to talk a lot of stuff. In fact, so many issues & inner voice I wish to blog about & get someone to hear them up.
When I was very young, making friends was a must. I will do anything to get anybody to be my friend. That was me in primary. When I was in secondary school, I enclosed myself to only a group of friends. A few of them was brought along from primary school. I was the loud gal who laugh like there aint no tomorrow. I have many friends or so I thought. But I have a close gang I kept. In five years time, I have the bff status tag on several gals & the priority spot got changed several times. Along the way I found myself knowing more people I like & we got very comfortable with each other. All were girls. Until I went to Form 6.
There I found myself exposed to another sexual being ever created by the name of god.
Slowly I got used to being with males but it took some time for me to even feel normal. Those 2 years were the best years I had in schooling until I enrolled myself in Uni. Despite the 'hardship" I have dealt with, everyday in school was joyful. I faced a hard truth notifying that a friend could leave you for real when she actually like other friends better no matter how much good stuff we shared.
Maybe I have done that too, I just didn't realized that or maybe I don't bother.
When I was in Uni, I was super active with activities taking place whole year long for the whole 3 years.
I have met many mates from as far as everywhere & my name was huge too. Those active fellas in Uni will recall my name or my face too.
Well, I often am ambitious enough to mark my name in all places I have been. Hopefully for the good reason. Thus far, none for the wrong reason yet. Maybe soon. In Uni, I have mates from all groups. kolejmate in where I stayed, facultymate, coursemate, activities mates.... Some people managed to leave an impact & we became besties. Some remain distanced which I couldn't even recall the names.
Some I tried my best to win their acceptance, some I tried to impress, some I put effort to maintain. All sort.
But as I grow elder, I realized that some mates are just there to build the structure of my memories.
Slowly, I began to delete & lose out all the faces in FB that I kenot recall or that I don't think I would ever wanna meet up with.
I wanna start prioritize. Deep in heart I know who they are. But seriously, they are just too many. Not sure how many of them feel the same way. I used to care if they put me 1st as best gf the way that I do...how innocent. LOL. I no longer need this kind of security. Cuz well, we can't put a freeze onto something so intangible. It's more about mutual care & understanding that both person are willing to share.
New friends comes along everynow & then. Old friends leave & some gone too long & are forgotten.
I am now pretty sure I'm choosy on subsequent friends that I want & need. Especially after meeting the jerk/my worst nightmare some months back. I had my hands fully occupied on existing ones which I can't even find time to spend time with. Replacing is not an idea.
I no longer tag my besties as bff really. There are friends in need, friends who share good times, sad times, consultation, friends in memories, constant meet up friends, texting friends, ~ etc.
Those who befriended me much earlier said that I'm a changed person. I am no longer the person they used to know. I wonder what are they trying to mean by that but change is good.
People often label me as immature, childish, playful & crazy girl at school. But did you ever think for one moment why am I acting such way? No ba... Cuz very often they will just be hey, be serious a bit la...
~ Particularly this one gal I met & called bff last time. She aged much ahead of us & the smartest one among my gang. She came back into my life recently & I found it slightly difficult to accept her as some one who I can meet up regularly & talk like a long lost friend. I was reluctant to chat, or even fix a date to meet her up. & She did nothing wrong. Time & distance segregated us & I already have enough. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't already have enough time for necessary people or even myself.
& I'm breaking free from negative, overly calculative, tricky/selfish & self adsorbed kinda people.
I have enough negative energy to kill 10 of me. I'm serious.
I hardly am this immature/childish/crazy gal now. Maybe that was the change.
I'm no longer the cheerful, warming at first sight kinda person I used to be.
However, no matter how things change, no matter what will ever happen
Nothing could deny my 17 years of friendship with Lee Yoke Shan. She is the 1st friend I ever know, ever love, forever 1st..........
We have been through a lot babe :). I hope you feel your importance though not physically, but yes,
deep in my delicate heart. Hey, did we promise each other to get married together with our spouses? I hope not cuz I could wait for some years still XD
Many more 17 years ahead okay. :)
Happy bufday to you.
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