Happy New Year 2013

On the faithful 29th of December, my childhood/high school darling is married to her lover boy of 6 years.

It was touching, it was a true celebration of love I must said. 

We used to exchange letters when we were young. Most of the time I demanded it. Anyway, I have a soft spot for her, a delicate beauty. I like her a lot. This kinda fondness is rare. But we headed separate ways after Form 5. We didn't bid each other a warm goodbye, no proper update device like FB back then. FB got us back together! I met her only after almost 6 years & it was on her wedding we reunited. :')

It was really sweet. Still the same old gal, my Meerah~ currently as Puan Nameerah, beloved wife of her beau. 

I presented you a photo album as I knew you're gonna have a fabulous life ahead. I wish you could store every special moment of urs in it. 

She opened my eyes for the very 1st time; me attending a traditional Malay's Wedding. 

She teaches me that true love can waits. True love will prevails. True love exists. 

I have long lost these 3 beliefs. I'm sure I will meet one soon. :)

Dear Nameerah, I wish you & ur hubby happiness till eternity.

A wedding: A perfect reunion.

I don't look good always in every photos especially photo taken by others. But the winning year 2012 photo of mine is none other than this stupid face. Taken while I was at a budget hotel in Malim Jaya, on my MCO period. 

I used to recall my yearly journey especially during my university years. They were filled with excitements & a lot of happiness. Those time, I was already expecting new year's journey even before the year ends. 

Now, as in today, I was only looking forward to new year because I wanted to detach from my ATM week & all the bank's year end drama.

Year 2012 is a learning year. Full of testaments. Filled with challenges. Seasoned with disappointments, Crushes by evils, loaded with experiences. I felt like I was being thrown out, trashed & ditched before I was taken back to my branch. More difficulty ahead. However, great deals comes with bigger satisfaction when all my hard work was acknowledged. It comes with a huge price & I took every ounce of credit all by myself. Sigh.... When will my dream ever come true? Is this my destiny? 

Hell to the No~ LOL

The weather was being very kind that special day of Xmas 2012. I drove me & my babes to PD!!!

How bout that huh? LOL.

It was a fun fun ride with u both. :) :) :) Who would have thought the Donut is even crazier than a Banana boat~ Even jet ski kalah wei.... LOL!!! Let's do it again!!! I'm for sure not taking the back seat!

IT WAS A MAD 10 CRAZY HELL RIDE!!!

If you wanna experience a similar feeling of being in a car accident (crashed, flipped, trashed & rolled ), you might wanna try this. XD I'm not kidding! The man fondly called himself BOB took pictures of us & dare  Saukheng that the Donat is even scarier than a Roller Coastal ride & that she will scream like mad. Haha... I screamed like mad!

Hell year aside, I must say I had great great times with my fwens alternately in the year. 

-PBB GT mate having good fun "traning" time at HQ-

- A string of auditions with dreamers singers wannabe- 

- NT XV with NT mates-

-Had Bday celebration with F6 mates & Xtine, JoWSY; party continues with TMT at KL-

- A trip to Langkawi Island with insect mates-

- PBB dinner performance-

- A trip to Penang for Roomie & NT babes-

- An Xmas date @ Lowyat & Pavillion-

- A trip to PD @ 8miles beach- 

- A date with YS- the super LOL we shared...my gosh-

I met new people, I made new fwens, Crushed & decrushed, Denied & Accepted, loved & hated

I consider myself drawn a full circled & made the best out of the year. It comes with the beauty of imperfection, but it doesn't matter I guess cuz it inspires me to live better in the coming year. 

With only 10 minutes left of me to seal this post as the last post of the year, I thank everyone who loves me dearly & I wish you nothing but happiness for all year round of year 2013.

:)

 & A sweet call by my love Ms Siewin marked a great start of my year in 2013 :)
Thank you dear~ I hope you always remember you're important to me. Always too.

Year End~

How I wish tomorrow is 1st of Jan 2013 already. 

The final day. The judgment day. The fearful day. I wish I could just take MC.

 I can't. The last day of the month, also the last day of the year. 

Acceptance, loan growth. profit growth, UIP, NPL, records, AA, meetings, ATM....

Im going nuts just by knowing all these shytes I will have to endure tomorrow. 

Gosh... pls. Just one more freaking day & I'll be free. 

Tomorrow afternoon, I'll be detached from this ATM responsibility. Tomorrow 6pm is the meeting time, which also is this cut off time for the stupid UIP calling. After meeting, I'll be finally detached from stress of month end acceptance & also year end's branch loan growth. End of nightmare. I'm shivering!

SIGH!!! But definitely not with future stress coming from the meeting. Year 2013's expectations & review of 2012 records. & I guess I won't wun be able to get away with unwanted spotlight which possibly might do me good or bad. I couldn't predict. I don't know~

I beg & pray that tomorrow time could tick a little bit faster & I could survive till day end.

Big paycheque comes with big responsibility. Like it or not, U gotta perform.

FML.

Seriously. This is not healthy at all. Pls give me strength to endure all these before something meaningful comes upon. I'll be good, I'll be better~ Be kind to me. 

"Let Me Let Go"

I thought it was over, baby
We said our goodbyes
But I can't go a day without your face
Goin' through my mind

In fact, not a single minute
Passes without you in it
Your voice, your touch, memories of your love
Are with me all of the time

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go

I talked to you the other day
Looks like you make your escape
You put us behind, no matter how I try
I can't do the same

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know, yeah
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go

The lights of this strange city are shinin'
But they don't hold no fascination for me
I try to find the bright side, baby
But everywhere I look
Everywhere I turn
You're all I see

Let me, let me let go, baby, won't you
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Yeah, you're still in my soul, let me let go
Let me let go, let me let go

BUSES AND TRAINS by The Bachelor Girl

Hey Mom, why didn't you tell me? 

Why didn't you teach me a thing or two?  

You just let me go out into the world  

You never thought to share what you knew

So I walked under a bus, 

I got hit by a train 

Keep falling in love which is kinda the same 

I've sunk out at sea, 

crashed my car, gone insane  

And it felt so good I want to do it again

 
Hey Mom, why didn't you warn me?  

'Cause about boys is something I should have known 

They're like chocolate cake, like cigarettes 

I know they're bad for me 

but I just can't leave 'em alone

 
So I walked under a bus,

 I got hit by a train  

Keep falling in love which is kinda the same 

 I've sunk out at sea, 

crashed my car, gone insane  

And it felt so good I want to do it again

 

Hey Mom, since we're talking 

What was it like when you were young?  

Has the world changed or is it still the same?

A man can kill and still be the sweetest thing

 
I walked under a bus, 

I got hit by a train  

Keep falling in love which is kinda the same  

I've sunk out at sea, crashed my car, gone insane 

And I felt so good I want to do it again

 

 

 

 

New Year Resolution Maybe?

Hmm I don't know? Should I? It's not even the last week yet... which I bet I wouldn't have time by then. 

Yesh, reluctant, very. Cuz everything I named needed great push & are passion-driven, they require strong desire to be fulfill. I will have difficulty in meeting them.

Hmm, anyway. Resolution are made to be broken. Or else how will you keep having the desire to even continuously do this kinda stupid list every single year? Right? Right? Right? LOL

Hang on, the list might be long...when I say long, expect the worst. 

-

- Quit the bank whenever my dream came true - as in a real deal. I seriously hope Mas will copy some

  hot singing competition out there which appreciate english songs.

- Take up guitar lesson. I have an urge few months back to learn either Piano, guitar or electric  

  guitar. When I was young, I make up my tunes in a small keybord & I must say I am musically 

  inclined every since. I'm still considering on which. Suggestion?

- Vocal class, to dance again... seriously.  Will I go repeat each & every audition I endure in 2012? 

   Most definitely. By 25 shud be my last chance in trying out.

- Sing in cafe again. I have this agent number which I obtained for so long I never make an attempt  

  to call. I need to perform again, or sure 'it' will die in due time. Jcdagreat needed attention.

- Visit places.... internally: Pangkor, Redang, KK/Sipadan. external: Thailand (Ko samui), Indonesia 

   (Bali) & more of Asia 1st.

- Attend concert. 1st celebrity concert. I missed Michael Boltan- Heart ache. Jlo's recoverable. Pls 

  bring Coldplay to me..... I'll beg & borrow & steal~

- To keep minimum weight @ 50Kg. Im at 51.6kg the last time I weight myself. No flabby tummy 

  allow. I havent got any taller since form 2. Fuck! So, I still have some clothes back in those year.  

  Get my slender body back, in return are my clothes.

-  Lastly... I suppose those above will keep me occupy for a good long time as materializing em  
  needed foundation which demands time & consistency of sacrificial. 

Hence, lastly & also most importantly, I just wanna be merry, be happy & be loved. I don't care how this gonna come by or in what form, I just know that I wouldn't allow myself to be hurt in any circumstances. 

Only 3 simple rules to follow:  

- To care less

- To think little

- To crush none. 

2012 has been a year of much awfulness, experimental yet excitingly challenging. Infact, I think I had matured & learned an extreme miles without my will in just one single fucking year & I'm thankful for that. 
I didn't wish it to slow down, which my work alone will not allows that. No force no gain la. 
I just hope to stay really positive & determined :) 
Mind you this is extremely hard for an emo-ego gurl. Dammit JC.

To every one else that I do care, make yourself a list too :) I don't really bother if I could make any of them come true... but to have an idea of how my new year is gonna be excites me. 

Thus, I welcome you year 2013 with open arms. Be kind alright?!

22nd Xmas Celebration :)

This early celebration is even more meaningful since we all escape the dooms day unscratched.

Though no apocalypse, either one of us could also hurt ourselves in one way or another but we didn't right?... i.e jatuh longkang on a bright sunny afternoon? LOL...they get me on this XD So it's worth a celebration.

Im sure that I'm confident that the end of the world is not due anytime soon. However, I took leaves on these 2 days which also mean I have a lot of free space in my brain that plays an uncertainty part in my belief. & The world seems to standstill where everyone was counting down on the times & it was exceptionally rare where the environment seems so quiet. The weather itself did not help either as black clouds were mapping across the sky.

I can't help but being anxious. Well...

Hail the mother nature I love you. Pls only kaboom when I leave the world for good. 

I had a fabulous outing today. A collective of only 5 people all of which dancer mates of PT31st.

I recently met one of them in her convocation but the rest I've yet to meet at least 1 year or longer. 

I must say it was just the purfect time for a gathering on my fav festival of all. 

Missed KTM on 8.30. Dammit. If only I could wake up slightly earlier...  Never mind, the day progressed well. Just well. Karaoke season is never a bad idea for every occasion. I have my favourite duet with Beary whom I have been looking forward to sing with. :) We could've done much better. 1st time :) Many more to come right?

I actually plan to visit all decoration in the whole Bukit Bintang area. But once we reach Pavillion, we chose to just chill out @Starbuck & chat which I totally agreeable. Coffee & fwens.... What's more spiritual than that? Wherever I am, that particular spot will be the noisiest in the room. Especially if we have 38, 48, & super talkative psychologist among us :) :) How purfect!

We could seriously talk all night if we want to. Sadly, there's time frame & we have to bid goodbye to each other - Not without a big beary hug to all of them. Very strong close hug. Only those worthy of. 

It aint easy to travel all the way to Bukit Bintang using public transport. Especially when I'm not really familiar with the lines & transition... Scary la... all these should have been experienced while I was still undergrad. 

Anyway, traveling is deadly tiring. It wasn't very far, long or even troublesome. Somehow, the drive to do it is low & I get too tired easily. 

Since, everyone of them is around the KL city & I'm the only one here... It's only logic that I travel upward once in awhile... Sigh. Tak patut la....

It worth every ounce of willingness for me to do so cuz every moment with u guys are golden. 

Yea, I'm expressive with words :)

PT 31st Dancers. Once a PT dancer, always a PT dancer. 

Merry Christmas 2012. 

Weekend

I had a happy Saturday Nite Gathering. A real happy gathering. 

I'm not sure what was the real factor, but I was at peace, tired but happy. 

Thinking about it, I almost FFK as I felt asleep 1 hour before taking off. Since I did the talking earlier of the day, so I can't be not making the walk materialized. 

Not many people were called, only familiar faces were invited. 2 partial U65 family members were there;

Mr. Gan ~ Kay Ling BF. 

Mr. Tan ~ OPM BF. 

Wow, Mr. Tan, nice to meet you in person. You look much fine in person than in photo. 

Both PHD levels BF.

I'm impressed, gurlz. :)

2 boys in the gathering asked a very funny question; If I am seeing someone already? They said they could feel it.... I was like... Boy's intuition? So wrong! lol

*

My Bonia watch, hand-me-down by my dad was worn out, battery was dead earlier & very soon it will condemned. I wanna buy myself one since ages. Since bonus, erm... it's actually my accumulated & annualized OT income, arrived early on 12/12/12, I was geared up to purchase one expensive piece of accessory. 

I had my eyes fixed on several brands. Titus, Citizen & Seiko. 

Eventually only Titus won my heart. I was picking among 5 types. Price was an option although I have already set my price range at RM500 to RM800. I finally selected one after looking through the options available. Manly type, kinetic powered watch, scar proof screen just perfectly fit this lousy careless maiden. RM849 @ 10% + 10% discounts. Hence the final price fall just right into my range.

It's a early Xmas gift from me to myself  :)

I had myself a ring in the beginning of the year, a deng expensive purse & now an even expensive watch. Ouch!

Do I feel bad? Seriously, No hard feeling cuz if I am to be compared with my buddies, I'm considered as the lousy spender or perhaps the stingy max banker earner. XD

Personal belief... not sure if it apply to anybody at all.

I believe certain accessories one have to have to represent themselves. 

Of course money has gotta do the talking. For me, the watch, purse & a good looking phone are the few items that signifies you & your current status. 

The idea is that for instant, I earn this paycheck, hence I'm eligible to purchase goods at this price range. Whether or not I will picked the outliers or simply the medium priced products everybody enjoy is a question or rather a matter of choice. 

I'm spoil by choices. I hate making decision on available choices. A phobia.

I have big lust over branded items. I'm drivin by price tags. My eyes can tell which products are expensive & they often fancy them. So far, they have behave according to my mind & my wallet. My heart has no say in making decision cuz it's a weak portion of me who often find times to get crushed by wrong intuitions & fanciful imaginations.  

So, I have long lock it behind bars & only allows it to do what it's good at. 

Passion & Dreams.

LOL

Well :)

My heart might ache a bit. But I'm happy with my new toy. 

Sigh, another Monday. Another busy day. 

Short week ahead though. Taken leave on Thur & Fri :) 

Specifically for Santa Hunting.

The Wait

Read a real love story from a best friend's blog who is about to get married. 

A relationship which was earlier disapproved by her mother but at the end after 7 years of friendship/courtship, the man's sincerity has overcome her mother's insecurity. 

They are getting married this coming 29th of December 2012 & I will definitely be there to witness the happy newlyweds. It feels like fairytale when I go through her blog about her relationship with him, from where they met & love. So warming. True love does exists. 

Then I was reminded of a judgment a friend has on me. She said I often rush into a relationship which could possibly chase the guy away. She said I like someone too fast, indicated my intention to a guy too fast. 

I beg to differ. 

Maybe she has a point. However, not entirely true. 

I don't easily like someone so badly. I might develop a liking towards certain qualities in the men that I know but that doesn't mean I love them. I often drawn to very good guy. Good guys often seek for better woman which often is not me myself. 

So according to my friend, I must have patient & wait for the right one. 

In my point of view, the right guy should never let the right girl waits.

Whenever is right we don't know depending on each individual couple to decide. But when it's right, that's no reason to wait or else most probably you're doubtful. That's when you keep creating excuses & reason of why the wait is necessary.

Hence, the right feedback is crucial & I'm thankful for it. 

At least I'm not kept waiting & I'm so moving on. My friend's fiance has waited for her for 7 years. But he did not wait a second to ask her parents permission to marry her less than half a year of knowing them. 

Which is why her marriage to me is a reflective of a true love. 

I myself have gone through 3 times of disappointments which had me pondering the roots of this problem. 

I was rather sad with the previous liking. 

Anyway, I'm full of hope & imagination for the up & coming liking. 

It always gets better. 

Congratulation Nameerah :)

U know u're at the edge of work insanity when you answer your personal cell phone

"Hello, Public Bank!"

This is madness. I was in shock the moment I heard myself but just so happen those call weren't my fwens but customers/lawyer representative. 

Deng! Real stupid!!!

 

LET GO

Something unseen, unheard are better be written. 

At least sumbody might read me. Given that you understand me.

Letting go. Aish, big deal?  JLO's concert? Well, I like her like a lot. But I didn't love her madly. What make it even worst was MixFm keep repeating her hits triple plays every alternate period of time for 2 consecutive days. Some hits made me emo. Some hits unrecognizable didn't really appeal to me, so those make me feel better of letting go of this concert. She is a performer; Not a powerful ballad diva. So she gotta be seen rather than just be heard! Anyway, she as promised to our stupid Islamic representative, she will tone down the wardrobe to better suit our so said Malaysian culture & cancel off her dances to be less luring. She agrees to Indonesia & Malaysia.

 (Pls no offense cuz yesh, opposing superstar who has their culture of dressing or artistic value is ultimately STUPID!!! Say if USA banned YUNA for wearing headscarf while performing at their country or DISQUALIFY Shila Amzah participation in China for this Asian Wave competition cuz she wears scarf??  HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT??) 

& Guess what? What is our very own Miz Nina wearing & the way she dance? Korang Buta Ke?

 U have forced many superstars to cancel off their tour in MAS eg Beyonce & forced an annoyed Diva Mariah to only wear one attire blouse & jeans for her entire concert. The fact that they even choose to come is already a privilege to you Malaysia. Now because of our stupid brainless freaks, all of them choose Singapore. Do you even know how many fans from all over Asia are willing to spend on their journeys just to meet their idols? Do you even know how much income & taxes you ought to earn? Real Stupidity! Talk about their culture spoiling our youths & religion. My ass please. Fix your Rempit & Political shame before even pointing at else one. They even try to prevent Sir Elton John to perform. Like seriously?

*

That's one. Works have been tough. Or maybe I'm just tough on myself. Returning to work every saturdays kinda freak me out on what I have signed myself up to last November. ( Hey, maybe I should write some misery song about Last November huh?) Not that I'm a workaholic, U bet I do stuff pretty speedily too. So what drives all this work madness? I have myself committed every 24/7. I barely had time for myself except for every night for myself, my lappy & the internet. Gosh. 

What's wrong? Take it slow & relax? You teach me! 

Anyway, month end is over. Phew~ Oh, I switched seat already as requested by my boss. Next to a super experienced senior. Facing directly my boss room X_X!!!

Good & bad though. I got my own space for a lot of my stuff. Had seats for customers. Less chilly. My ex seat was the coldest spot in the office if you ask me. My relieve colleague is switched as well. To another lady. A relief indeed! Somehow the rest keep asking me to be careful. Wow! So political.

*

My grandpa... Oh gosh. He's getting weaker by weeks. Since the day he fell down, all problems started to come. His legs becomes numb & weak. He couldn't walk nicely. Now he couldn't even go out from the house. He was an active man where he enjoys going out to town meeting his buddies & everything. Now he's like useless. You know, He felt useless. That kinda hurts me. 

Today when my mom & I visited him @ my uncle's, he was having his nap resting on the bed. My mom being the caring one toward oldies sat on the bed side talking to him. I kept checking on them time to time cuz I just have no patient like she did & I couldn't face it. Half way through the conversation, I heard him cry. He said he was giving trouble to grandma & the children. Life's punishing him at this age of life. I crumbled. 

Came back home, I saw my dearest. A very old dog, coughing badly day to day. Sigh.

Helpless. 

Age is not being kind to us. It takes away your youth, your passion & most importantly your health. Time for some deep thoughts & new year resolutions if the world doesn't end by the end of this month. 

*

There a lot of things in life that I couldn't wait. Impatient. I noe right. 

I could've rush into a relationship. I could've give up entirely on my job. I could've chase my dreams ignoring all necessity. I could've give in to everybody desires.

I noe certain things don't come easily. Certain things if you don't chase it, they don't come by. Certain things are far fetched still you can't let go. Certain things are just not meant to be yours. Don't even dream bout it. 

But humans are designed to be ungrateful. We hardly feel satisfy with whatever we have. We are born with thirst & we are here to be sinners. 

Hmm............ really. Where are thou'?

NoWhere. O NowHere.

To wait or to seek; I guess Im gonna go with the latter. 

Nite.

Happy Monday. Right!